I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i think i just lost a toe
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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