Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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