she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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