This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
