1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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