You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
