How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
