bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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