I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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