First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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