Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
