I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
