What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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