In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
