you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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