There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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