Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
