"it" just moved
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
