24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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