PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize