Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
