At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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