he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
