I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
