That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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