Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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