someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
