Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We're too hungover to prance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
