Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
