What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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