my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
