I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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