I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
