Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
