I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize