I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
