how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
