will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
