Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
