Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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