if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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