ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
