so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
