I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
