Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He shit in the fireplace
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
