I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
