Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
