He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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