The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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