everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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