Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
