508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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