She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
