Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
