i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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