just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize