don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
