he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
