Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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