My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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