note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
