Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
