ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
