turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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