If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
