I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
