hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
COCAINE IS GR8
He did a backflip because drugs
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