As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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