If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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