i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
