I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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