I smell stomach acid.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you didnt know i had herpes?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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