He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
