I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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