The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
