Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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