Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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